Conditioned to Stay

[Verse 1]
Nobody starts by throwing punches
Nobody starts with black and blue
It starts with little “harmless” moments
Just to see what you’ll let them do
A pinch that everybody laughs at
A shove that’s “just a little game”
A joke that somehow lands on my skin
Then somehow I still take the blame
You smiled while I was pulling backward
You laughed while I flinched away
You called me “too dramatic”
Said I was overreacting anyway
You’d cross a line, then call it flirting
Tell me I was way too sensitive
Little by little you kept teaching me
To question myself instead of you

[Pre-Chorus]
Every boundary I defended
Became another test to you
You never broke me all at once
You did it one small crack at a time

[Chorus]
I was conditioned to stay
Conditioned to smile
Conditioned to trust your version
More than I trusted mine
You taught me my “stop”
Was something you’d negotiate
You taught me to question my no
Before I ever questioned you
I spent years wondering why I stayed
Until I realized… you taught me how to
No doesn’t have to be louder
To mean exactly what it said
You called it love
But love would’ve listened instead

[Verse 2]
You wore a smile
So I questioned my fear
Guess monsters don’t always
Wear the face we fear
You never needed anger
To make me afraid
Sometimes abuse whispers
Before it ever screams

[Chorus]
I was conditioned to stay
Conditioned to smile
Conditioned to carry
The weight of your denial
You taught me to question my no
Before I ever questioned you
I spent years wondering why I stayed
Until I realized… you taught me how
You called it love
But love would’ve listened instead

[Final Chorus]
Now I’m unlearning every lesson
You ever forced into my skin
I’m finding the girl beneath the silence
The one you never got to win
You taught me to question my no
Before I ever questioned you
I spent years wondering why I stayed
Until I realized… you taught me how
But here’s what you never counted on—
My voice came back
My instincts came back
My strength came back
And my “no”…
Was always enough

[Verse 1]
You were warm in the beginning, said I made you feel safe
But when I leaned in, you started to drift away
I thought if I stayed soft, if I made it easy
You’d meet me there—but you stayed busy
You liked me best when I wasn’t too close
When I didn’t ask questions, didn’t need too much hope
But I don’t know how to play pretend
When all I wanted was a real boyfriend

[Pre-Chorus]
So I reached for you, and you pulled away
And when I pulled back, you begged me to stay
We circled the drain like we called it fate
But I was just loving someone who couldn’t relate

[Chorus]
This is the dance—push and pull
I chase connection, you keep control
I want closeness, you want space
Then miss me when I walk away
I tried to earn what should be free
But love shouldn't feel like hide and seek
And I’m tired of spinning in place
Calling this love when it’s just a chase

[Verse 2]
I made it easy—spelled it all out
You said nothing and called it doubt
I asked for presence, you gave me time
But time means nothing when you’re not mine
You sat beside me, so far away
Touching my hand but not choosing to stay
I begged for effort, for something to feel
But you stayed numb, and I called it real

[Pre-Chorus]
So I shrank myself just to feel less pain
Let you cross lines and still took the blame
You smiled through it all, said I was intense
But peace shouldn’t feel like self-defense

[Chorus]
This is the dance—push and pull
I chase connection, you keep control
I want closeness, you want space
Then miss me when I walk away
I tried to earn what should be free
But love shouldn't feel like hide and seek
And I’m tired of spinning in place
Calling this love when it’s just a chase

[Bridge — reflective / inner child moment]
It’s not that I’m too much
It’s that I’ve settled for too little
It’s not that I’m unlovable
It’s that I kept loving through a riddle
And maybe you were doing your best
But your best still left me feeling less
And I need more than almost and halfway
I need someone who chooses me every day

[Final Chorus]
I’m done with the dance—push and pull
I’ve been enough, I’ve been beautiful
I want presence, not just touch
I want love that doesn’t ask for less of us
So I won’t beg, I won’t compete
I won’t keep chasing just to feel complete
I’m stepping out, I’m finding grace
I’m done calling this love
When it’s just a chase

I see you, and the storm goes quiet,
All my reasons fade in your smile.
Every word I swore I’d say,
Gets lost when you look my way.
I forget the nights I cried,
The empty space you left behind.
My heart forgets the pain it knows,
And runs back like it’s got no control.

[Pre-Chorus]
I hate that I still crave your touch,
When you’ve never really given enough.
I’m split between what’s real and right,
And what just feels good tonight.

[Chorus]
Half of me still stays, half of me’s running.
Half of me’s numb, half of me’s humming
Your name like a ghost in my veins.
Half of me knows, half of me prays
You’ll change but you won’t — I know it deep down,
Still I circle back around.
You’re the calm and the hurricane,
And I keep dancing in the rain.

[Verse 2]
You say “hey,” and I forget why I cried,
Your smile erases every goodbye.
Swore I’d quit, but I breathe you in,
You hold me soft, then turn to wind.
All the hurt dissolves in your stare,
But when you’re gone, the ache’s still there.
I pull away, but I always grieve —
My head says “go,” my heart won’t leave.

[Pre-Chorus]
I hate that peace feels just like pain,
You’re the prayer I shouldn’t say again.
You’re the comfort and the cost,
And I can’t tell which side I’ve lost.

[Chorus]
Half of me still stays, half of me’s leaving,
Half of me breaks, half keeps believing.
You’re the silence and the sound.
Half of me fights, half of me drowns.
You’re the poison and the cure,
And I don’t know who I am anymore.

[Bridge]
I keep waiting for you to meet me halfway,
But your love’s a ghost I chase.
And every time I try to walk away,
You show up with that face,
And half of me forgives you again,
Even when I know how this ends.

[Final Chorus]
Half of me stays, half of me’s running,
Half of me’s lost, half keeps loving.
You’re my peace and my pain,
And I can’t tear the two apart again.
If love is war, I’m losing slow —
‘Cause half of me can’t let you go.

[Outro]
Half of me hopes you’ll fight,
Half of me knows you won’t.
But somehow both sides still love you tonight.

[Verse 1]
I used to think love felt like anxiety
Like losing sleep at 2 AM
Like waiting for your name to light my phone
Then blaming myself when something changed
I thought wanting someone badly
Meant they had to be the one
Didn’t know my nervous system
Was reliving what it learned from love

You wore chaos like a leather jacket
Made distance feel intoxicating
Every warning came with pretty wings
So I mistook fear for fate again
I was so used to almosts
I called the panic chemistry
Called confusion destiny
Didn’t know my nervous system
Was choosing what was familiar to me

[Pre-Chorus]
’Cause I was taught that love was fragile
Something I could lose
So every time my body panicked
I mistook it for the truth

[Chorus]
The butterflies were never butterflies at all
Just warning signs dressed up as desire
Tiny stings I learned to romanticize
’Cause chaos always felt like fire
Every time my stomach dropped
I thought that meant “the one”
But my body wasn’t falling in love
It was bracing for the flood
Maybe butterflies aren’t love
Maybe they’re alarms
Maybe every time I reached for you
My body thought it had to brace for harm
Now I know the difference
Between chemistry and fear
And my nervous system
Was screaming long before my heart could hear

[Verse 2]
You made silence feel addictive
Made inconsistency feel deep
I mistook emotional unavailability
For something I just had to keep
And every time you pulled away
My body went to war
Not because you were my soulmate
But because I’d felt this hurt before
I kept confusing hypervigilance
With passion and desire
Didn’t know my history
Was setting off the fire

[Pre-Chorus]
I thought if love felt peaceful, it probably wasn’t real
When someone keeps you guessing
The chaos starts to feel
Like proof that it matters
Like something you can’t lose
’Cause no one ever taught me
Safe was something I could choose

[Chorus]
The butterflies were never butterflies at all
Just warning signs dressed up as desire
Tiny little stings I learned to romanticize
’Cause chaos always felt like fire
Every time my stomach dropped
I thought that meant “the one”
But my body wasn’t falling in love
It was bracing for the flood
Maybe butterflies aren’t love
Maybe they’re alarms
Maybe my nervous system
Couldn’t tell danger from someone’s arms
I called it chemistry
But it looked too much like fear
Turns out what I thought was falling
Was survival living here

[Bridge]
And suddenly it hit me
All those nights I called it fate
My body wasn’t falling in love
It was preparing for pain
I didn’t know peace felt boring
When your body’s raised on tension
So every time you pulled away
My brain confused fear for connection
But healthy love was never meant
To feel like a constant state of wait
And healthy love would never make
My nervous system beg to stay
Those butterflies inside my stomach
Never meant safety once
They were just survival instincts
Dressed up as love
The butterflies were just wasps

[Breakdown]
I don’t want love that keeps me anxious
Wondering if I’ll be left behind
I want someone whose presence
Doesn’t feel like surviving all the time
I want silence that feels peaceful
Not silence that I have to decode
I want love that feels like landing
Not another war my body knows

[Final Chorus]
The butterflies were never butterflies at all
Just warning signs I called “true love”
Tiny little stings I learned to romanticize
Because chaos was the closest thing to love
But maybe real love feels steady
Maybe peace is what is real
Maybe safety’s not boring
Maybe safety’s how you heal
A nervous system searching for familiar
Calling fear connection
Maybe love was never meant
To feel like slipping through my hands
And maybe one day my body
Won’t romanticize the sting
Won’t keep chasing warning signs
Just because they came with wings
Won’t hear danger and call it destiny
Won’t mistake panic for light
Won’t keep calling wasps butterflies

[Verse 1]
I reach for you when I start to shake,
You disappear when the ground might break.
We’re both afraid of losing control,
I chase the warmth, you guard your soul.
You say it’s peace, I call it space,
We both just hate to feel unsafe.
So I fill in blanks, and you erase —
Two hearts stuck in the same place.

[Pre-Chorus]
I go quiet when you go cold,
Trying to calm what I can’t hold.
You need time, I need proof —
We both run from what’s true.

[Chorus]
We’re both protecting the same wound,
Just choosing different escape routes.
I fight for closeness, you fight for air,
Both pretending we don’t care.
It’s not hate, it’s not desire,
Just opposite ends of the same fire.

[Verse 2]
You build walls, I build a case,
Both defenses in different shapes.
You go numb to stay composed,
I overthink to feel in control.
You say “later,” I hear “gone,”
We lose each other holding on.

[Pre-Chorus]
Your silence screams, my body pleads,
We’re both reacting to old needs.
You’re afraid I’ll cage your heart,
I’m afraid you’ll tear mine apart.

[Chorus]
We’re both protecting the same wound,
Just choosing different escape routes.
I fight for closeness, you fight for air,
Both pretending we don’t care.
It’s not hate, it’s not desire,
Just opposite ends of the same fire.

[Bridge]
You call it peace, I call it pain,
You run from love, I run to blame.
I beg for truth, you beg for quiet,
Different ways to end the riot.
If we both just stayed instead of hide,
Maybe safety could survive.

[Final Chorus / Outro]
We’re both protecting the same wound,
But mine bleeds loud, and yours is mute.
I chase repair, you chase retreat —
Same fear, just different beats.
We could’ve met halfway this time,
But our safety never did align.
Two hearts trying to survive the fire —
Same fear, opposite wires.

[Verse 1]
I could see it in the silence
Every time you’d pull away
Like you feared what you were feeling
But you’d never say
I know what it’s like to want to run
To shut it down before it’s done
But I stayed when it got real
I didn’t numb what I could feel

[Pre-Chorus]
I met you in the open
You stayed behind a wall

[Chorus]
I was brave enough to show you who I am
Even when it meant you might not stay
I said everything I felt out loud
While you kept running the other way
I’ve been scared of losing love too
But I didn’t hide behind it all
I faced it—you avoided
That’s the difference between us

[Verse 2]
I did the work you wouldn’t touch
Looked at every part of us
I knew where my patterns came from
Didn’t put them onto you
I gave you every honest truth
Tried to show you what to do
Not to change you—just to grow
But you never wanted to

[Pre-Chorus]
I was reaching for connection
You were reaching for control

[Chorus]
I was brave enough to show you who I am
Even when it meant you might not stay
I said everything I felt out loud
While you kept running the other way
I’ve been scared of losing love too
But I didn’t hide behind it all
I faced it—you avoided
That’s the difference between us

[Bridge]
Don’t call it fear if you won’t face it
Don’t call it love if you won’t risk it
I held the mirror, you looked away
And blamed me for what you couldn’t say
I was learning, I was trying
I was honest, I was fighting
You had every chance to meet me there
You just didn’t care

[Final Chorus]
I was brave enough to show you who I am
And I won’t shrink that just to stay
I won’t silence what I feel
Just to make you less afraid
I’ve been scared of losing love too
But I don’t run when it gets hard
I faced it—you avoided
Now I’m choosing who I am.

[Verse 1 — The Loud One]
My first love was a wildfire
All heat and broken glass
Words thrown like knives in the kitchen
Echoes I couldn’t outlast
Love felt like walking on wire
Trying not to ignite
Every “too much,” every “crazy”
Stuck in my skin at night
He’d scream and I would shrink down
To fit inside his frame
I learned how to apologize
For breathing wrong, for my own name

[Pre-Chorus]
When love is loud, it leaves bruises
You can almost explain
But the ones you can’t see forming
Are the ones that stay

[Chorus]
One broke me loudly
One broke me slow
One with a hurricane
One with a ghost
One left me shaking
One left me still
Both left me wondering
What love is supposed to feel
They felt so different
But the ending’s the same
Alone in a room
Trying to carry the blame

[Verse 2 — The Quiet One]
The second love was a whisper
No doors slammed in my face
Just distance growing silently
In invisible space
No screaming, no cruel words
Just “I don’t know” and retreat
Half of him always leaving
While I stayed on both feet
I begged for simple honesty
He begged for room to breathe
Silence can bruise just as deeply
When you’re the one who believes

[Pre-Chorus]
When love is quiet, it confuses
You can’t point to the pain
But something in your body
Knows it’s not the same

[Chorus]
One broke me loudly
One broke me slow
One with a hurricane
One with a ghost
One left me crying
One left me numb
Both left me feeling
Like I was the only one
They looked so different
But both rearranged
The girl that I was
And the woman I became

[Bridge — Reflection / Growth]
I spent years rebuilding
Learning what was mine
Undoing all the damage
That wasn’t by design
My body held the echoes
Of words and of retreat
One taught me fear of chaos
One taught me fear of peace
I’m tired of loving halfway
Or loving through a storm
I don’t want passion without safety
Or quiet that feels cold

[Final Chorus]
I won’t love loudly
I won’t love small
I won’t chase hurricanes
Or beg ghosts to call
I want something steady
Something sure
A love that feels safe
And still feels pure
If there’s a right one
I know he’ll stay
Not loud with anger
Not quiet with escape

[Outro — Soft, resolute]
I survived the shouting
I survived the hush
And I won’t mistake
Intensity for trust
The next love won’t break me
Or leave me guessing alone
It’ll feel like being understood
And finally being home

[Verse 1]
I know all the exits in a burning room,
I can read a storm from the way you move.
Red flags waving like a holy sign,
and still I’m standing in the line.
You’d think by now I’d run the other way,
but my bones remember how to stay.
Every sharp word, every pulled-back hand,
feels like a language I understand.

[Pre-Chorus]
My mind says, “Leave, you know this game.”
My body whispers, “We’ve survived worse pain.”

[Chorus]
Familiar hurt feels safer than a love I’ve never known.
I keep walking back to fires
’cause I learned to call them home.
You’re bad for me, I know it,
but my nervous system prays
to anything predictable,
even if it breaks.
Familiar hurt,
you’re the map inside my veins—
I don’t like you,
but I know your name.

[Verse 2]
You disappear and every cell lights up,
tracking every silence like it’s proof I’m not enough.
I hate this, but it fits just right,
like a worn-out hoodie from another life.
Then someone comes with steady eyes,
shows up on time, doesn’t weaponize
my needs, my tears, my shaky voice—
and that’s the one that feels like too much choice.

[Pre-Chorus]
You’d think safe hands would calm the fight,
but my body’s waiting for the bite.

[Chorus]
Familiar hurt feels safer than a love I’ve never known.
I keep walking back to chaos
’cause my muscles call it home.
You’re wrong for me, I know it,
but my wiring doesn’t care—
it just wants a script it recognizes,
even if it’s not fair.
Familiar hurt,
you’re the cage I learned to crave—
I don’t want you,
but you feel like “safe.”

[Bridge]
It’s not that I’m addicted to the damage,
I just know how to breathe in all this smoke.
Healthy love walks in like foreign language,
and my whole body thinks it’s a joke.
But maybe shaking hands and pounding heart
don’t always mean “get out, you’re not okay.”
Maybe sometimes they mean I’m finally standing
at the edge of a brand-new way.

[Final Chorus]
Familiar hurt, I get why you showed up to keep me whole,
you built a shelter out of patterns
that were killing me slow.
But I’m learning how to listen
without letting you decide—
I can feel the fear and still choose
someone who will stay beside.
Familiar hurt,
thank you, but I’ve outgrown your grace.
I’m drawing a new map now—
one where love doesn’t taste like pain.

[Verse 1]
I grew up fixing what I didn’t break,
Walking on eggshells with every mistake.
Love was a lesson in earning my place,
Sacrifice written all over my face.
You call me strong, but it’s hunger you see,
Clinging to scraps like a feast meant for me.
Even the wrong kind of love feels warm,
When you’ve been starving since the day you were born.

[Pre-Chorus]
I was taught to stay, not taught to receive,
To confuse unpredictability with need.
Chaos feels safer than being alone,
Red flags don’t scare me—they feel like home.

[Chorus]
But I want love that doesn’t hurt,
That doesn’t ask me to prove my worth.
No more halfway, no more disguise,
No more begging to be seen in someone’s eyes.
Love should be steady, safe, and known,
Not a battlefield that feels like home.

[Verse 2]
I hold the weight that was never mine,
Gave up my childhood to buy more time.
Carried the silence, swallowed the storm,
Learned how to bleed and still keep warm.
I stay not because I can’t see the pain,
But because survival runs through my veins.
Leaving means walking away from the only love I’ve ever known,
Even if it cuts me down to the bone.

[Pre-Chorus]
I was taught to fight, not taught to be free,
To mistake inconsistency for intensity.
Chaos feels safer than being alone,
Red flags don’t scare me—they feel like home.

[Chorus]
But I want love that doesn’t hurt,
That doesn’t ask me to prove my worth.
No more halfway, no more disguise,
No more begging to be seen in someone’s eyes.
Love should be steady, safe, and known,
Not a battlefield that feels like home.

[Bridge]
I’m not weak—I’m just tired inside,
Of being the strong one, the one who hides.
I ache for a love that will finally stay,
Not one that makes me prove I’m okay.

[Final Chorus]
I want love that doesn’t wound,
That doesn’t leave me starved for truth.
Not comfort dressed in red disguise,
Not chaos burning behind kind eyes.
Love should be steady, safe, and known,
Not red flags that feel like home.

[Verse 1]
I kept you happy just to feel safe,
Bit my tongue till it forgot how to taste.
I called it love when it was fear,
And every “sorry” pulled me near.
I thought if I stayed, you’d see my worth,
But I kept vanishing, line by line, first.

[Pre-Chorus]
I let you take what I couldn’t lose,
’Cause trauma taught me that’s what love do.
But I can’t bleed to keep you calm,
I can’t disappear to prove I belong.

[Chorus]
I’m done being afraid of losing you,
When I’ve been losing me.
I built a cage and called it peace,
Letting fear decide who I could be.
Healing’s not soft — it’s saying no.
It’s walking away when I want to stay close.
I used to chase the ones who’d leave,
Now I’m scared of losing me.

[Verse 2]
I broke my back to make you feel tall,
Said it was love, but it was withdrawal.
Every time I gave more than I had,
You called it sweet — I called it sad.
You never asked me to stay that way,
But you never stopped me when I paid.

[Pre-Chorus]
So I learned to please what wouldn’t care,
To earn the love that wasn’t there.
But every time I disappeared,
My reflection got less clear.

[Chorus]
I’m done being afraid of losing you,
When I’ve been losing me.
I built a cage and called it peace,
Letting fear decide who I could be.
Healing’s not soft — it’s saying no.
It’s walking away when I want to stay close.
I used to chase the ones who’d leave,
Now I’m scared of losing me.

[Bridge]
You can keep your comfort, I’ll take the truth.
You were never worth what I put me through.
Love shouldn’t cost my peace of mind,
I’m not breaking just to prove I’m kind.

[Final Chorus / Outro]
I’m not afraid of losing you —
I’m afraid of losing me.
Every time I stay for less,
I teach my heart it’s all it’ll ever be.
Healing’s not easy, but it’s clean.
And I’m not scared of lonely anymore —
I’m scared of losing me.

[Verse 1]
Every boy I ever wanted
was the type who couldn’t stay.
Half in, half out, unpredictable—
and somehow that felt safe.
Their distance never bothered me,
’cause it matched my nervous system’s pace.
I could love them from a distance
without letting them see my face.

[Pre-Chorus]
But then someone came along
who did everything right
and suddenly my heartbeat
felt like it was trying to fight.

[Chorus]
’Cause perfect scares me,
healthy freaks me out.
Give me love that’s real and steady
and I start shutting down.
All the things I say I wanted
feel too close when they arrive.
And I run toward the ones who starve me
’cause there’s no pressure there to try.
Yeah, perfect scares me—
but broken never made me mine.
And I keep choosing the avoidant
’cause their fear covers up mine.

[Verse 2]
I used to swear I wanted someone
who was tender, strong, and kind—
but when he shows up with affection
my whole body hits rewind.
Suddenly I’m picking flaws apart,
feeling trapped inside his eyes,
getting ick over the small things
just to justify the goodbye.

[Pre-Chorus]
It’s not him I’m running from—
it’s the version of me
who doesn’t know what to do
when love stops feeling like a dream.

[Chorus]
’Cause perfect scares me,
healthy freaks me out.
Give me love that’s real and steady
and I start shutting down.
All the things I say I wanted
feel too close when they arrive.
And I run toward the ones who hurt me
’cause I’m safer on that side.
Yeah, perfect scares me—
but broken never made me mine.
And I keep choosing the avoidant
’cause their fear covers up mine.

[Bridge]
Do I stay with what’s familiar?
Do I run from what I need?
Do I sabotage the softness
just to keep my heart relieved?
I don’t want another almost,
I don’t want another ghost.
But my trauma tells me closeness
is the thing that hurts the most.

[Final Chorus]
Perfect scares me,
but I want it anyway.
I want someone who can hold me
and doesn’t leave when I need space.
I want love that doesn’t trigger
all the wounds I’ve left behind.
I don’t want the ones who vanish
just because it spares my mind.
Yeah, perfect scares me—
but maybe this time I’ll try
to stop choosing the avoidant
just to hide that fear in mine.

[Outro]
Maybe love won’t feel like pressure
once my body learns it’s safe.
Maybe perfect doesn’t scare me—
maybe perfect’s where I stay.

[Verse 1]
Told myself it was enough,
that staying meant I could trust.
You didn’t see me, didn’t meet my needs,
but your silence felt like company.
For the little girl waiting by the window,
thinking presence was proof of care.
Carrying wounds from a father’s absence,
hoping this time someone would be there.

[Chorus]
But love is more than not leaving,
it’s meeting me where I stand.
Not silence dressed up as safety,
but reaching with both hands.
You didn’t leave… but you didn’t love me,
and that was never enough.
I thought survival was connection,
now I know better than that lie.

[Verse 2]
Tried to stitch an old wound closed,
with someone who cut it open most.
Comfort and ache in the same disguise,
I called it safety, but it was a lie.

[Bridge]
I get to stop now,
I get to choose more.
Close the window,
walk out the door.
No longer begging shadows to see me,
I’m the one I’ve been waiting for.

[Final Chorus]
Love is more than not leaving,
it’s seeing the heart in my chest.
Not absence of betrayal,
but showing up as your best.
You didn’t leave… but you didn’t love me,
and that was never enough.
The little girl inside me knows now,
she deserves a softer touch.
You didn’t leave.
But you didn’t love me.
And I won’t mistake the two again.
And I won’t mistake the two again.
You didn’t leave.
But you didn’t love me.
And I won’t mistake the two again.

[Verse 1]
I asked you in the quiet
When the room was calm and still
When the air felt like a warning
My chest already knew the drill
I said, “Is something missing?”
You said, “Baby, not at all”
And the moment that you said it
I let my guard fall
I asked you if you loved me
You paused before the word
I tried to read the silence
But believed what I heard
I asked if you were leaving
You said everything was fine
You looked me in the eyes
Like you meant every line
But the cracks were already there
I just trusted you

[Pre-Chorus]
When someone says you’re safe
Your body settles down
So I silenced my intuition
And let the truth drown

[Chorus]
I paid the price for believing you
For trusting every word you said was true
I turned down the voice inside my chest
Just to keep believing you
It cost me sleep and peace of mind
It cost the trust I had in me
And I didn’t lose you when you walked away
I lost myself believing you

[Verse 2]
People think betrayal
Comes crashing like a wave
But sometimes it’s just whispers
Of promises you gave
Sometimes it’s reassurance
When the ground’s already cracked
Sometimes it’s being told you’re safe
While the truth is turning back
I built a home in sentences
You never meant to keep
And every night my intuition
Cried itself to sleep

[Pre-Chorus]
You said everything was fine
So I stayed where I stood
I thought honesty was something
That you understood

[Chorus]
I paid the price for believing you
For trusting every word you said was true
I ignored the voice inside my chest
Just to keep believing you
It cost me sleep and peace of mind
It cost the trust I had in me
And I didn’t lose you when you walked away
I lost myself believing you

[Bridge — soft and emotional]
You were keeping the door open
While I was building a home
I thought we were “us” together
You were standing alone
I didn’t know I was hidden
I didn’t know I was small
I didn’t know I was someone
You wouldn’t claim at all
And the hardest part of healing
Is the truth I finally knew
I was choosing you
While abandoning me too

[Final Chorus]
I paid the price for believing you
For trusting every word you said was true
I turned down the voice inside my chest
Just to keep believing you
But it didn’t cost my heart
Or the love I know is true
I didn’t lose you
I lost myself believing you.

[Verse 1]
It’s quiet in the places
Where your chaos used to live
My phone lights up and I swear
My hands still start to twitch
Your name’s not on the screen now
But my body doesn’t care
It learned your rhythm like a drug
Still reaching when you’re not there

[Pre-Chorus]
Everyone says I’m lucky
Everyone says I’m free
Then why does freedom
Feel like something leaving me

[Chorus]
This feels like withdrawal
From a love that made me bleed
My mind keeps calling your name
Like you’re something that I need
I know you hurt me
I know the truth by heart
But trauma bonds don’t break clean
They tear you apart

[Verse 2]
My brain keeps playing movies
Where you loved me like you said
But my chest remembers nights
I cried inside your bed
I hate the way my memory
Edits out the pain
Like it’s trying to convince me
I’m the one who needs to change

[Pre-Chorus]
Everyone says “don’t text him”
Everyone says “just leave”
But addiction doesn’t listen
When your nervous system screams

[Chorus]
This feels like withdrawal
From a love that made me bleed
My mind keeps calling your name
Like you’re something that I need
I know you broke me
I know the truth by heart
But trauma bonds don’t break clean
They tear you apart

[Bridge — haunting and quiet]
Maybe I’m not missing you
Maybe I’m missing the high
The way your love would disappear
Then come back and make me fly
Maybe I’m not crazy
Maybe this is chemistry
A nervous system craving
What’s slowly killing me

[Final Chorus]
This feels like withdrawal
But I know what it’s from
A heart that learned to love you
Like a loaded gun
And every day without you
My mind starts seeing clear
This isn’t love I’m losing
It’s the trauma leaving here

[Verse 1]
You watched me break like glass in your hands
Unbothered by the bleeding, you just let it stand
I screamed for change, you stayed the same
While I twisted myself just to carry your pain

[Pre-Chorus]
I was fighting for something
That was quietly killing me
And the worst part is—
You knew, and let it be

[Chorus]
I lost me loving you
Tried to hold together what was never whole
I mistook chaos for truth
Thought if I gave enough, you'd grow a soul
But broken can’t be built by bleeding through
I lost me…loving you

[Verse 2]
I thought if I stayed, you’d find your way
But I was the anchor to your shame
You never cared enough to rise
You just let me drown while you fed me lies

[Pre-Chorus 2]
I saw your wounds, and called them mine
Tried to fix what wasn’t on the line
You were fine letting me fall
As long as you didn’t have to feel at all

[Chorus]
I lost me loving you
Tried to rescue what was built to sink
You called it love, but that’s not true
Love doesn’t watch you shatter and not blink
Now I know that what you do
Is not my fault, and never was my truth
But still—I lost me loving you

[Bridge — stripped down, nearly whispered]
And what you tolerate becomes your cage
I learned the hard way through your rage
But silence is still a choice too
And you chose it…
While I chose you

[Final Chorus — softer, stronger, ownership voice]
I found me leaving you
That girl who begged has closed the door
I still ache, but I see through—
You're not a man, just a boy needing more
You couldn’t handle love that’s true
So I stopped choosing pain over proof
And finally, I found me…
By losing you

[Verse 1]
Why do I miss the push and pull
The games that never made me full?
The silence of steady feels so strange
I keep reaching for storms, not the calm in the rain

[Pre-Chorus]
You’re gentle, you’re kind, you don’t break me down
But my heart starts to ache when it’s safe and sound

[Chorus]
It’s sad that I crave the boy who teases
Who pulls me close, then leaves me in pieces
I don’t know how to love what’s stable
When chaos feels like home at the table
You give me normal, you give me real
But I’m addicted to pain I shouldn’t feel
It’s sad, but it’s true—
I only know love when it bruises too

[Verse 2]
I laugh at the banter, the playful fights
Mistake being bullied for love done right
The quiet devotion, the steady ground
Feels like a language I can’t sound out

[Pre-Chorus]
You’re gentle, you’re kind, you don’t walk away
But my body’s wired to chase the flames

[Chorus]
It’s sad that I crave the boy who teases
Who pulls me close, then leaves me in pieces
I don’t know how to love what’s stable
When chaos feels like home at the table
You give me normal, you give me real
But I’m addicted to pain I shouldn’t feel
It’s sad, but it’s true—
I only know love when it bruises too

[Bridge]
Maybe someday I’ll rewire my heart
Learn love doesn’t mean being torn apart
But for now, I’m caught in the push and shove
Confusing cruelty with a twisted kind of love

[Final Chorus]
It’s sad that I crave the boy who teases
Who pulls me close, then leaves me in pieces
I don’t know how to trust what’s stable
When chaos feels like home at the table
You give me normal, you give me real
But I’m addicted to pain I shouldn’t feel
It’s sad, but it’s true—
I only know love when it bruises too

[Verse 1]
You saw the bruise beneath my kindness
Before I ever showed the skin
Like somehow you could read the silence
I learned to hide my whole life in
You wore distance like armor plating
I wore softness like a prayer
Two survival systems colliding
Thinking soulmates brought us there

[Pre-Chorus]
But you ran from love by disappearing
And I begged for love by staying
You shut down every feeling
I over-felt everything

[Chorus]
We weren’t soulmates
We were wound mates
Two broken mirrors trying to look away
You abandoned people
I abandoned myself
And somehow both felt safe
I called my suffering loyalty
You called your numbness strength
And every time you pulled away
I loved harder just to stay
God, we confused survival
For fate

[Verse 2]
I thought empathy made me holy
Thought bleeding proved my heart was pure
But unconditional love gets dangerous
When your self-worth needs it to work
So I kept over-understanding
Every wound that made you cruel
While my nervous system shattered
Trying to prove I was enough for you

[Pre-Chorus]
You needed power to feel worthy
I needed saving to feel chosen
And somewhere in the wreckage
We both became exposed

[Chorus]
We weren’t soulmates
We were wound mates
Built from abandonment in different shapes
You disappeared to stay protected
I self-destructed just to be kept
And every version of forgiveness
Was another way I disappeared
Until the girl who feared becoming cold
Finally learned why she was here

[Bridge]
You awakened something dangerous
Not revenge—discernment
The part of me that finally realized
Love should not require self-betrayal
I became someone harder to manipulate
Because I stopped negotiating with my own pain
And maybe that’s what terrified you most
The moment I stopped needing to be saved

[Final Chorus]
We weren’t soulmates
We were wound mates
Two trauma patterns dressed up as fate
But losing you became the doorway
To finally choosing me
Now my empathy has boundaries
Now my heart has self-respect
And the “dark side” they warned me of
Was just the part of me you hadn’t met yet

[Outro]
You called it cold when I stopped bleeding for you
But healing always looks selfish
To people who benefited
From your self-abandonment